


Already (겨울)

by replaydebut



Series: 우리 영원한 계절 (Our Eternal Season) [4]
Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Band Fic, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Inspired by Music, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23821435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/replaydebut/pseuds/replaydebut
Summary: "You came to me like a dream / You were like a warm breath to me / You didn’t have a reason, you were always like that back then."Jonghyun looked up from the monitor, from the blue-green sea of chord progressions and soundwaves flitting across the screen in front of his tired eyes. Casually disrupting the long hours he had spent dipped in darkness with his mind running on overdrive, Taemin’s presence was nothing short of a relief.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Lee Taemin
Series: 우리 영원한 계절 (Our Eternal Season) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685407
Comments: 17
Kudos: 44





	Already (겨울)

**Author's Note:**

> My 4th fic for the Jjong's Month challenge! I kind of struggled with this one because Taemin can be so tricky to write..he has such a dynamic personality with so many facets to explore and capture. I also think his relationship with Jonghyun is just so unique that it's hard to put it into words, but I did my best!
> 
> This fic is inspired by Already by Taemin, and centered around the recording process of the song. It's representative season is winter<3 Also, I don't have any knowledge about music production so anything I wrote about the recording studio or the process may not be accurate! Apologies >< I hope you will enjoy nonetheless<3

  


The door to the studio swished open and then closed with a soft, hushed click. Taemin’s grey face mask was pulled tight around his ears, and his black coat swayed around him like an elegant cape, holding in the fierce rush of the winter wind that carried on outside—stories above them along the sidewalks of the city.

Jonghyun looked up from the monitor, from the blue-green sea of chord progressions and soundwaves flitting across the screen in front of his tired eyes. Casually disrupting the long hours he had spent dipped in darkness with his mind running on overdrive, Taemin’s presence was nothing short of a relief. 

He leaned against the glass paneling of the door, shoulders stately and pretty; picturesque like a marble statue. Since their trainee days, Taemin had always been so quiet when he arrived in any room—silently holding back the secrets of his talents until the moment was right.

“Have you eaten?” it was the first thing out of Jonghyun’s mouth, and he winced at how much he sounded like his mother. 

Taemin swiveled his head towards him, eyes crinkling in a tired approximation of a smile. He tugged his mask down at the corner. 

“Don’t worry about it hyung,” he started, shrugging off his coat to reveal the angled, thin sweep of his chest and arms swathed in a striped turtleneck.

“No—We aren’t starting until you get something to eat. How long have you been at rehearsal?” 

Jonghyun stood up from his chair and started fidgeting around him. He tucked a piece of frayed hair behind his ear and smoothed a hand down the surface of his chest to get rid of the wrinkles in his shirt. He fumbled as Taemin stood still, letting him micromanage for no reason as a smile twitched on his lips.

Jonghyun sighed in defeat, eventually resting his palms on the tops of Taemin’s shoulders. He trailed his fingers along the back of his neck as he searched his face. 

“Are you done?” Taemin asked, smile still playing at his features. 

Jonghyun rubbed his thumb along the curve of Taemin’s eyebrows, smoothing out each fine hair as he attempted to set every single thing back in place. 

“Now I’m done,” Jonghyun replied, pleased.

Taemin snorted, but it was the fond kind of snort. Jonghyun had picked up on that years ago; had learned how to read all of Taemin’s little reactions, as understated and nuanced as they were. 

Taemin started to move away from Jonghyun, shrugging his hands off and heading into the recording booth, but Jonghyun slid his fingers into the sleeve of his top and tugged. 

“You heard me,” Jonghyun said, picking his phone up from the table and swiping until he found the restaurant review app. He thrusted it under Taemin’s nose. “Pick something.”

Taemin rolled his eyes, but grabbed the phone obediently. As he scrolled through the lists of possible choices, hair falling softly in front of his face, Jonghyun felt that helpless tug in the bottom of his heart. It was the impossible feeling that no matter what he tried to do, Taemin would never cease to exist somewhere outside the realm of his full understanding. 

He tapped around on the screen for another moment to place the order, then dropped it back in Jonghyun’s open palm.

“Pasta and chicken, and since you’re paying it’s from the more expensive place,” he said with a wicked grin. 

Jonghyun sighed, pretending to be burdened by his antics. In reality, his heart swelled huge in his chest; his mind at ease knowing Taemin would have at least one good meal for the day. 

“And I’ve been at practice since eight,” Taemin noted casually, walking over to Jonghyun’s workstation to look through his sheet music. 

He thumbed it quietly as Jonghyun watched. Taemin’s forehead always scrunched up in the middle and his lips parted wide when he was focused intently on something. Today, more than other days, his eyes also sat sunken in pockets of grey shadow. Jonghyun pulled up the extra chair. 

“Here, you can sit while we wait.” 

Taemin floated down into the seat, still attentive to the arrangement in front of him. Although it was also displayed on Jonghyun’s computer screen in digital lines of code, Taemin had always preferred tactile tasks. He hummed along as he read the notes, voice taking shape of the words he knew well. 

“And you can’t criticize me. I bet you’ve been here just as long as I was at practice,” Taemin continued, always managing to pick up on things that Jonghyun tried to circumvent.

Jonghyun sighed, but conceded, scooting his chair closer. “Let’s just say we’re both workaholics and leave it at that.”

Taemin glanced up from the sheet music with a smug twist of his lips, as if relishing in the fact that he’d somehow won the discussion. Jonghyun supposed he had, but he always seemed to let Taemin have his way—whatever exactly that meant. 

“You know, hyung. Your lyrics are kind of...heartbreaking. Sometimes,” Taemin observed, tapping the paper in his hand as he scanned it.

Jonghyun huffed out an amused laugh. He’d learned to navigate Taemin’s seemingly random comments years ago. 

“So I’ve been told. But you were the one who wanted that song so bad.”

Taemin tossed his hair back and slumped down further into the chair, lifting the paper up above his head and continuing to read. The lights in the studio were dim, casting everything in warm brown tones and deep black shadows. Jonghyun took comfort in the cool peace of the darkness, and Taemin never seemed to mind. 

“Yeah...I wonder if it’s too high for me though,” Taemin commented softly, bottom lip slipping in between his teeth as his face fell.

“You can do it. And you could’ve done the other song too,” Jonghyun assured him, tone severe and intense. He coughed lightly to stop himself from lecturing anymore than he actually was. 

One half of Taemin’s face lifted in a grateful smile, but there was a wistfulness to it that Jonghyun had seen more of lately. He seemed halfway unsure of his own abilities—a sliver of fear running underneath his usual determined aura.

Taemin wasn’t a child anymore, and in many ways he’d always been more of an adult than the rest of them, but when that fear shrouded his vision, Jonghyun saw the vulnerability of youth peeking through. 

“Anyway,” Jonghyun continued, looking down at his hands. “Even if it’s a bit sad and sentimental, I think it suits you.”

Taemin rotated the sheet music down so he could peek out from behind the bright white page. It stuck out in the darkness like a thick, dividing line separating two existing geometric planes. Taemin had always been good at math.

“Hm…” Taemin mused, tilting his head in thought. “They can’t all be ‘Pretty Boys’, right?” he said, face morphing into a teasing grin.

Jonghyun turned away, blush creeping up his neck.

“If I remember correctly, you liked that one,” he defended with a huff, voice dropping into a pout. 

Taemin laughed and stood up, rolling the paper loosely in his hand. He stretched his arms wide, and leaned against the opposite table, each graceful movement echoing the next like his body operated along a fluent, continuous line.

“Of course I did, hyung. You’re just so cheesy sometimes. It’s easy to make fun of you.”

Jonghyun smiled lightly. The room shifted when Taemin came near, and there was the inexplicable pull that made Jonghyun want to crash into him, to fall into his eyes and grab onto everything powerful that was inside. He looked up. Taemin’s face was silhouetted by the blue glow of the monitor, accentuating all his curves and lines.

“Can we at least run through the song once while we wait?” he asked, body already swaying towards the open door of the recording booth like it pulled him along at its own will.

Jonghyun sighed, but saying no to Taemin was one of the hardest things for him to do—especially when he could see his fingers tapping with anxious energy at his sides. Jonghyun nodded. 

“Alright, but don’t push yourself. It’s just a warm up.”

Taemin rolled his eyes, but smiled playfully as he entered the booth and slipped the headphones on. He gently placed the sheet music on the stand and adjusted the mic. 

Jonghyun often felt like a voyeur when he sat in on any session, and it had been even more heightened in the early days of their career. He could never watch the other members record their parts, always feeling like he was intruding on something private. 

It was like that now as he watched Taemin settle in comfortably, as if the tiny room was a personal oasis where he could finally relax into the power of his own body.

Jonghyun had felt that so many times; that feeling of surrendering himself to only what was right in front of him. Only those words and melodies on the page served as guides, as evidence that there was a world outside of you and the music that flooded your ears. Sound could do so much to make shapes form.

Taemin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, grounding himself before giving Jonghyun a strong nod. 

The instrumental surged forward, blanketing the room with its electronic intro and delicate piano and string movements. Jonghyun focused on the tremble in Taemin’s throat and lips as he shaped the first few words. It was always achingly soul-bearing to listen to his own compositions, and even more so to watch someone else fill them in.

Jonghyun felt that warmth crawling up the back of his neck as he listened to Taemin’s floaty, sensual voice breathe over the notes. He inflected the lyrics with something that went beyond what Jonghyun had originally envisioned. More than a song of lost love or a break-up, it was a new, deeper kind of longing. 

He made it to the middle of the first chorus before his voice cracked trying to reach higher. He faltered and stepped back, that moment of seamless magic broken in an instant. Jonghyun knew that feeling well too. He stopped the track.

“Just a warm-up Taemin-ah,” Jonghyun reminded him, watching his tired eyes close in defeat.

Taemin nodded, not lifting his head. He was keeping himself from slipping out of the little world he had created, and Jonghyun couldn’t fault him for that. 

“Can we run it until I get through the whole thing at least once?” 

Jonghyun worried at his lip, silently sending a signal out into the city for their food to arrive soon. It wasn’t in Taemin’s best interest to do this on an empty, exhausted stomach, but Jonghyun knew there was nothing he could do to convince him otherwise. 

He nodded and started up the track.

With a deep breath, Taemin began again. This time it was more cautious and searching, as if he was trying to find the words hidden in the depths of a dense, shadowed forest, wading through the leaves. Jonghyun supposed that was all writing and music were in the end—the desperate search for something meaningful amongst the darkness.

When they had been younger, stacked above one another on dorm bunk beds in their crowded room, Jonghyun always heard Taemin at night. In the eerie hours between wake and sleep, when Jonghyun could never manage to doze off, Taemin would whisper the words to their songs under his breath.

More than a whisper, he would even tease out the lightest of vocalizations. They were loud enough that Jonghyun caught them clear like the ringing of a bell, but quiet enough that the deep sleepers like Jinki would stay oblivious. 

In the practice room the next day, Jonghyun would pay close attention to Taemin’s frustrated runs. He’d guide him carefully through each line, repeating the parts countless times until the other members broke off for a break. The two of them never joined, Taemin always drawing his lips into a thin line and scrunching his brows until he got through it. 

Taemin had been born for this; it was one of the first things Jonghyun ever decided about him, and in moments like those it was always all the more evident. 

As his own words tumbled from Taemin’s mouth and landed in the quiet darkness of the studio with a determined force, Jonghyun couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t very different from a dorm bedroom at all.

He crested through it until the bridge, until the notes became more of a maze or puzzle that Jonghyun liked to draw for himself, but that were an infinite challenge for Taemin’s voice. He stumbled, and Jonghyun stood up. 

He stopped the track and entered the booth. Taemin jumped in slight surprise, but his face softened as Jonghyun came closer.

“Let’s do it together,” he said, looking deep into Taemin’s eyes where secrets and feelings he couldn’t even begin to comprehend lived and breathed all the same. 

“I can do it,” Taemin persisted, almost a whine.

“I know you can. That’s why I’m going to help you.”

Taemin paused, looking at Jonghyun with a defiance that suggested revolt, but underneath it there was a flicker of acknowledgement and understanding. He had always been softer around the edges than he liked to think.

“Okay,” he said.

Jonghyun sang one line acapella and waited for Taemin to repeat. It was a familiar pattern that was etched deep in Jonghyun’s memory. Taemin’s brows knotted in the middle of his face, and his eyes fell closed as he pressed harder into it with every breath. Jonghyun nodded when he managed to reach into his higher register, and things began to click into place.

They made their way through the chorus and up until the bridge where Taemin began to strain. He dropped his head down when he broke off in the middle of the phrase. Jonghyun instinctively pressed a hand to his back in comfort. 

“You’re doing well.”

Taemin nodded silently, but he was falling into a headspace Jonghyun had seen before—where his mind was so intent on the end result that it was next to impossible to forgive himself for mistakes made on the way there. 

He tried it again as Jonghyun kept his hand at the small of his back. The well of his palm pressed firmly into Taemin’s shirt where the thin fabric let the warmth of his skin pass through. When he took a breath, Jonghyun felt his body shifting and sighing underneath his fingertips. He hummed the melody line of the song as Taemin shaped the words. 

He made it through the bridge and out on the other side, a gentle smile starting to form at the corners of his lips. Jonghyun slid his hand up to squeeze Taemin’s shoulder with pride.

“What did I say?” Jonghyun teased, watching Taemin’s smile stretch wider until it almost reached his eyes.

“I don’t know. I’m worried that I haven’t…” Taemin trailed off, one finger dragging down the edge of the sheet music as he tried to organize his thoughts. “How do I say it? I guess I don’t know if I’ve accurately captured the feeling of the song.”

He kept his focus on the point where his finger made contact with the paper, and that familiar smile faltered.

“It’s just so _you_ ,” Taemin continued, letting out a careful breath and glancing over. 

It was Jonghyun’s turn to watch his own hands as he looked down, bashful at the fiercely honest comment. He took a deep breath as he searched for what to say.

“Remember how much you asked me for this song? How much you hounded me, and insisted that you needed it on the album?” Jonghyun began, grinning at the memory as Taemin started laughing. 

“Yeah, I guess I did.” he agreed.

“There must be a reason why you kept fighting for it, why you didn’t just take the first one I offered you. You wanted it because somehow it spoke to you. It goes beyond whatever influence I had,” he continued. 

Jonghyun’s heart swelled in his chest and his ears burned hot with how much he meant every word. 

Rather than replying, Taemin silently reached a hand out. He slid their fingers together until the lifelines of their palms linked up in harmony. He squeezed hard, nearly to the point of pain. Jonghyun squeezed back just as much, pressing into each bone, ligament, drop of blood, and fragment of skin. He felt each molecule of Taemin’s body humming underneath him.

“I think you should sing the backing vocals,” Taemin concluded, loosening his grip a bit so that he could glide his thumb along one of Jonghyun’s fingernails. It made him shiver.

“That way, it will be like both of us. The colors of ‘Jonghyun’ and ‘Taemin’ mixed together.”

Jonghyun took a shuddering breath when their hands parted. He still felt the rush of Taemin’s blood singing under his skin.

“That would be special,” he agreed, slightly dazed. 

“And the album should be special,” Taemin continued, turning to look Jonghyun directly in the eyes. He brought his fingers up to touch the edge of his cheekbone. 

He laid two of them there for the smallest fraction of a second, and Jonghyun held his breath. Taemin trailed down until he curled his fingers into the collar of Jonghyun’s shirt, sliding underneath to run along the smooth muscle of his chest. He stopped when he reached the edge of his collarbone, and his arm retracted like some kind of snake. 

Jonghyun swallowed. 

“Let’s do it one more time from the beginning, and then I’ll stop to wait for the food,” Taemin suggested, leaning in close enough that their feet almost touched. Jonghyun nodded, unthinking.

He exited the booth with the feeling of Taemin’s touch radiating through him. As he cued up the track, he kept an eye on each of Taemin’s subtle movements. From the graceful parting of his lips, to the placement of his hands in the air in front of him, coaxing the song forward from within like he was calling up to a god in prayer. 

The sounds seemed to flow without restriction, without any of the fear he’d harbored before. Jonghyun stood hunched over the monitor, eyes penetrating the glass to connect with Taemin’s as he let the song happen to him. That was always when it was the best for Jonghyun too; when the recording process ceased to be about completion and turned into a site of almost religious awe. 

Everything faded from Jonghyun’s vision besides the dim light from inside the booth falling on the high points of Taemin’s face. He looked up with his eyes closed, lashes framing the slope of his cheeks as the bridge came and he rose up over it and through it. Jonghyun’s chest soared even higher. 

He held onto the wave of energy he’d created until the last note, pulling out the threads of everything Jonghyun had written and re-sewing them into something entirely new. His hands dropped from the air as the music faded out. The easy way that Taemin evoked so much raw feeling and then slid back into reality would never cease to amaze him.

A goofy, happy smile spread across Taemin’s face as soon as he looked up, and Jonghyun smiled back just as big. Shared euphoria spilled out from the door of the recording booth as Taemin opened it and came out. Suddenly, it was all Jonghyun could do to keep himself from surging forward and pulling him into his arms. 

“How was that?” Taemin asked, cheeks full and bursting with how big his satisfied smile was. 

“You already know it was good,” Jonghyun replied with a laugh.

Taemin shrugged. “Yeah, well…”

He trailed off, looking up at Jonghyun with his head tilted to one side in shyness. Jonghyun held his breath again, looking for a sign.

Taemin reached out, two fingers sliding gingerly up the length of Jonghyun’s bare arm. Jonghyun followed the movement with his own hands, sliding them up to rest on either side of Taemin’s pretty, long neck. Graceful, gentle, but with purpose; Taemin snaked his fingers into Jonghyun’s hair and pulled him until their lips met.

Jonghyun gasped and fell back, letting Taemin push until he got what he wanted, until Jonghyun was pressed firmly into the workstation and Taemin’s leg had wormed its way between his. He opened his mouth, let their teeth clack into one another as they searched for the right rhythm. Taemin’s breath tasted stale, but the points of his fingertips buzzed with heat along Jonghyun’s scalp, and his lips were the source of that pull Jonghyun always felt in his presence.

He was whisked away into Taemin’s world every time he saw him, and this was only one step further in that direction. Even when he wasn’t sure what Taemin was thinking, there always seemed to be a way for them to communicate. Touch brought forth so much more than words could say, even for someone like Jonghyun—for whom writing was the first and only channel of truth. 

Taemin’s tongue curled around his, and Jonghyun let out the quietest moan. It came from deep in his throat, slipping out uncontrollably as need thrummed inside him hot and intense. His lips tingled when Taemin deepened the kiss, and Jonghyun pushed back. He breathed deep into him, gliding along the wet, warm curve of Taemin’s mouth and melting fully into the feeling.

He gasped for air when Taemin pulled away, spit from both their mouths intertwined on a thin string that kept them connected. Taemin licked his lips to break it, and stood up straight. The slightest pink blush colored his cheeks, and Jonghyun could almost discern it as embarrassment. He grinned, heart hammering with nervous feelings and the roar of arousal behind his ears. 

“Wow,” Taemin said bluntly. Jonghyun tossed his head back in surprised laughter. 

“What? Didn’t expect me to be a good kisser?” he teased, trying to quell his own blush. 

Taemin rolled his eyes, but there was a flustered smile on his face. “Don’t. I’m not feeding your ego.”

“Well, it wants to be fed,” Jonghyun replied, voice dropping low without his intention. His throat was dry.

Taemin blushed even more, looking down at his hands clasped in front of his waist. “I just wanted to know what it would be like.”

Jonghyun paused. His phone vibrated inside his pocket; their delivery order likely almost arrived. He ignored it. 

“What it would be like to kiss me?” he asked instead.

“Yeah,” Taemin answered. “But now I’m curious about other things too,” he said pointedly, dragging his gaze down the line of Jonghyun’s throat.

Jonghyun’s chest roared. He was seconds from crossing the threshold again, from pulling Taemin close enough that he could feel the intimate hum of Jonghyun’s heart and know how loudly it sang. 

“You can be curious,” Jonghyun said, stepping forward. His voice pitched to a whisper. “Please be more curious.”

He reached up to touch Taemin’s jaw, to guide him down and feel the plush softness of his lips again. They were about to collide. It was about to spin out of control and into a place that Jonghyun had rarely let himself consider. 

A quick knock on the studio door startled them. Jonghyun jumped back, fingers on fire like he’d been zapped with electricity. He tried to compose himself as Taemin glanced away. 

At the door, the delivery man politely handed him the food, seeming entirely too distracted by his job to worry about what he had almost witnessed. Jonghyun bowed with gratitude and closed the door as he left, sinking down onto the floor with a relieved laugh, a release of tension. 

“I’m getting way too ahead of myself,” he admitted, pushing the food gently across the floor in Taemin’s direction. 

Taemin chuckled in agreement and walked over, sitting down cross legged and opening up the containers to fish out his dishes. 

“All this food you wanted me to have so bad was about to go completely to waste.”

Jonghyun laughed and shook his head, scooting closer so that he could have his portion. “You started it.”

Taemin beamed happily as he shoved a mouthful of pasta in his mouth. His cheeks already seemed fuller, eyes already lifted out of their grey circles. Jonghyun’s own shoulders dropped, nervousness evening out and the burning heat that had built up between them slowly calming down into a low simmer in the pit of his stomach.

It could wait for later. He would always have time for Taemin. 

Jonghyun watched him quietly while they ate. Lapses in conversation were usual with Taemin, and even after what had just happened, Jonghyun fell easily into it. There was no awkwardness, only the sound of food sliding around in to-go containers as chopsticks searched for the perfect bite. 

Taemin ate quickly, no doubt anxious to get back to recording. Jonghyun felt it too, a renewed sense of urgency that had him floating across the studio floor as he stood up to clean their trash and wipe his hands off. 

Warm fingers met his own as he was about to turn around. Taemin tugged on his hand until they faced each other. Jonghyun swallowed, the heat coming back.

“Hyung,” Taemin breathed it out, almost like a question.

Jonghyun leaned in, ready for that rush of sensation again. Taemin’s hand stayed perched on his wrist, a barely discernible reminder that he was _there_ , that he was real and willing, itching to be understood. Jonghyun tilted his head.

It was soft but not at all hesitant—the slide of Taemin’s lips across his own as they connected and found their footing together. He was quiet as he leaned into Jonghyun and parted his lips, no breath or sound to break the spell. Jonghyun kept still; let Taemin find his way in the space he’d opened up. 

Jonghyun echoed his silence, pressing back only with the slightest tilt of his jaw, the simple gesture of opening his mouth wider, of inviting Taemin inside for him to see and feel everything. Taemin squeezed his wrist, pressing the flat side of his fingers into the narrow bones. Jonghyun smiled into the kiss.

When they parted, there was a searching look in Taemin’s eyes. He wasn’t scared, and nerves looked different on him too. He was saying something more than words could convey, and asking for an answer.

Jonghyun received the message, ringing out loud and clear like the sound of a bell.

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hoping to have my last jjong's month fic (an ot5 fic~) finished by next week! Please let me know what you thought in the comments ^^
> 
> Additionally, myself and the other mods who run the Summer of SHINee fic fest have announced Round 2! Prompting will begin on May 1st, so please check us out on [twitter](https://twitter.com/summerof5hinee) for more details if you're interested~
> 
> And you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/charmlesstrans) and [tumblr](https://replaydebut.tumblr.com/) as well <3


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